Wednesday, June 29, 2011

No More Words

I feel like my words have left me. There have been so many times in the last year I have sat with my laptop on my lap, my hands poised to type. I would type some heartfelt inspiration or a new revelation that God would graciously give me. But I have no inspiration. I have no great revelation from God. There is no closeness to God. I am void and it scares me.

Words have always been my way. They have helped me express emotion. At times they have praised loudly and shouted with joy. Other times my words have screamed out the pain when it couldn't be bottled up any longer. They have caressed my soul and soothed me when I've been weary. They have been cathartic and healing. They have always been my way to be touched by God and touch others.

But now, there seem to be no words for me. I am a woman with little to say. My voice is silent and it makes my heart sad. I would scream but I feel nothing would come out. My throat is dry and my heart feels the same. I miss my words, Lord.

I need a one woman revival, a renewing of my soul, as Bob Carlyle says in one of his songs. I need You, God. I need you to replace my heart of stone with softness and use me again. I need a filling that comes and bubbles over with more than I can contain on my own. Give me You. Cause I am empty and tired of the tank being filled with the wrong fuel. Time keeps ticking and I keep sitting. I can't just sit here empty anymore. I know they say You're not the one that leaves but it sure feels that way right now.

I am rejected, awkward, insecure and alone. When I'm with You all those things fade to the background. So I need a shot of You pulsing through my veins. I need a shot of God courage so I can stand with strength. I don't want to stand alone anymore. Fill me up with Your power and Your words. I'll leave my words behind if You give me Yours.

Give me Your heart. Give me Your ways. I don't want my ways anymore. I don't want my will. I want what You want for me and I'm willing to obey. Break me if necessary because I can't live without Your strong presence anymore. I need a river of living water flowing from my heart. The kind that comes from You and is dispensed by the Holy Spirit. Come Lord, come and breathe through me.

Monday, June 20, 2011