He said "Believe Me"

    I haven't written a blog post in over two years.  I began the process of writing a book and dropped blogging to put my focus on the book.  It has taken me this long and I'm still not finished.  Two long years I have been working on it.  It has been a hard process.  Because I wanted to focus on finishing the book I have neglected the outlet this blog gave me.  So all those times I had something brewing in my heart or something that just wouldn't leave my mind I neglected to share those things.  Much more, I suppressed the release that the process of writing gives to me.  It releases something inside me and helps me let go of things.  It helps me to trust God with what my heart and mind is struggling to understand.  In writing I seek God for the answers so I can put them down on paper.  That has always been my process.  I ask God to give me words and I believe He does.  Today I realized that sometimes its OK to put down the grind of performance and just write to share whats on my mind.  Its OK to just write whats on my heart instead of sitting at the keyboard trying to find the next words to say in my book.  I will finish the book, its close to being done.  But today I have something else to share and maybe someone else out there in internet land needs to hear it.  

     Sunday morning before last I got up like every other Sunday morning.  I hopped in the shower, washed my hair and set about getting ready for church.  As I stood at the mirror drying my hair I heard God say something to me that has stuck with me for almost two weeks now.  He said "Believe Me."  That's it.  

    Now mind you I am not crazy.  I don't walk around hearing audible voices from out nowhere.  What I mean when I say God spoke to me is He whispered a thought into my mind.  I knew it was Him because why in the world would I say "Believe Me" to myself.   It just wasn't the kind of thought I would think on my own.  And it left this impression on my mind that has stuck like glue and made me ponder on what He was trying get across.  

    I have been mulling it over and chewing on the idea for almost two weeks now.  I have prayed about it and asked God to clarify it in my mind.  I believe I have come to understand what He meant.

    For a very long time, well, most of my life I have doubted myself.  I have lived my life wondering if I was good enough.  It has always been my inner dialogue to believe that I am less than others and somehow not good enough to achieve anything substantial or succeed in any way.   It has been my standard operating procedure to doubt my own ability, my likability, my talents and my intelligence.  I have doubted my worthiness in every way possible. I have spent my time thinking why would anyone ever listen to me or believe I have anything worthwhile to say.  

    Since I started writing, God has been telling me things about myself.  He has poured into me trying to get me to believe in myself.  He has been pouring into me trying to show me that I have things He has given me that are of importance.  That inside of me is untapped potential that He has been waiting to unleash.  He has told me all these things about myself.  That I am important, worthy and the daughter of a King.  That I have gifts that He has specifically placed within me.  Gifts that if I trust Him with will touch others in the world.  Gifts of words and experiences that can help others.  

    Up till now, I have doubted.  Like maybe He didn't really know the real me.  Or He didn't really see me clearly.  I don't think I really knew that the doubt was doubt.  I just felt insecure and questioned whether I was who He kept saying I was.  It was like I just couldn't let go and believe that those things about myself were true. 

    Then He said "Believe Me."  and I have been thinking about it for days now.  That maybe I really am who He says I am.  I really do have the things inside of me that He believes I have.  So today I am making a choice to believe Him.  To believe I am the writer He says I am.  To believe I have the abilities He says I have.  To believe I have the importance He puts on me.  

    I am going to believe Him and be who He says that I am.  I am worthy.  I am gifted. And I have the ability to be who He has called me to be.  Maybe you need to believe Him too.  Believe Him and step into the confidence of who He says you are.