Sunday, February 28, 2010

Honest Before God

I would like to stray from my usual path and speak to you from my heart. No lesson in the word today, no bible passage to explore and unfold for you. Just me getting really honest before God. An honest admission of where I am at this moment in time and the gripping truth of the reality that is unfolding around me.

In the last year I have come to the place of being laid bare and completely naked before God. I have to say that it is not a comfortable feeling and at the same time there is relief in it. I am bare. I am raw. I am full with emotion. No pretense, no unrealistic visions of who I am. Just standing here stripped of all things that made me think more (or at times less) of myself.

So.... what does that tell me? What have I learned? Who does that make me?

I see clearly now who I fall into being so easily. I see who I am in my flesh. I see who I am without the Spirit. I see God's vision of me and how far I have been from it. I see the wretchedness of my own humanity.

I can see clearly the "me" I do not want to be. I can see that person He is trying to mold out of me. The one He took out from the world and has gracefully, tenderly been remaking.

That woman called "me"; self adsorbed, prideful, selfish and unkind. A breaker of commandments. Not one commandment of the ten did I keep. Having other Gods, Lying, coveting, stealing, adultery and yes, even murder. I have broken them all, so much I have done wrong. I have no pretense or false view of what lies inside me.

I deserved nothing from God. Nothing but his disdain did I deserve. But I got none of that. Instead, mercy was placed at my feet. Mercy so full of love and blessing that I can't even grasp the magnitude of it. I was so lost and full of my own wanting. Yet, God chose to save me. Why? Why save me, Lord?

He must have seen something in this wretched heart of mine. Even in my sin He saw something He wanted to save. I can not grasp the love that does that.

In contrast, I can now see the glory of God! I see who He can make me. I see where He can take me. I see where I can go under His wing. I can reach for stars. I can find goodness and become clear, so His image can be seen in me.

Empty of myself now. Naked. I am ready to be remade. So I sit at His feet in wait. Patiently, I wait while praise rises up from my lips. Holy, Holy, Holy, my lips continue to utter. Mold Lord, as I praise You. I will stay at Your feet until You finish Your work. Submitting to Your will I stay till Your done.

Keep changing me Lord. The nakedness now has become a relief. I need nothing when You give it all. I only need the filling of Your Spirit to raise my heart to joy. It takes away the sting of this world and brings peace in return.

Keep remaking me Lord. I want what You want in me. I am Yours by the price You ransomed. Bought by a price that I could never pay. So I will not try. Instead, I will humbly yield so Your will can be done in me, in my life.

I am Yours and You are mine. That is enough for me. It is all I need while here on this earth, no matter what the road holds ahead of me.

So naked I will walk with my soul transparent before mankind. No mask to hide behind or false identity to feel safe or protected with. Only You shining Your glory through me for the world to see. Knowing that my sin and failures will scare some but bring hope to others. I will live to show that hope You bring.

It has taken much work for You to strip me bare. I held so tightly to the security of self doing that it made the task more difficult. The pruning was painful but I am looking forward to the buds in the spring. Like a flower that opens to the rays of the sun, I will watch Your glory revealed through me with awe.

In the end, after all has been said and done, my journey is worth just one moment with You. But that’s not all I get, just one moment. I get a lifetime, an eternity, that is my gain instead. For all of this, I am thankful.

5 comments:

Michelle said...

Good post today, Sherri. This is how I have been feeling lately too.

I especially liked this part:
"I can not grasp the love that does that."...

When we really understand our true, naked, selfish, and wayward selves, when we finally are honest and admit this, only then can we truly appreciate the awesome goodness of God.

That He could love us despite our constant rejection of His will and His ways is so amazing to me too :)

Thanks and God bless,
~Michelle

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Mikes Sumondong said...

You are an amazing woman of God! True, it takes honesty to glorify God more!

Alan said...

I like your sidebar comment below "No Pressure". I had the same problem a few years ago. Discovered that I had mixed motives in writing my blog. I wanted to be affirmed, and was upset when I wasn't getting high traffic or many comments on my posts. Finally gave up my pride and moved on. I only occasionally post now, and don't get a lot of traffic (man, if you don't post every day, it dies quickly). But I don't care anymore. Every once in awhile I get a great comment out of the blue about one of my old posts, so I'm glad some people are being blessed somewhere. But blogging is no longer a part of who I am as a Christian, and it's been a great relief.

Blessings!

Keelianderson said...

Your writing is a blessing to me as I read them tonite! My family is going through a very very tough time now that requires full faith!! Thank you for affirmation that God is God and is always on the throne whether we deserve his grace or not!