Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Veil Was Lifted

Have you ever felt distant? Like everyone was around you but they were still out of reach to you?

You can be in a room full of family or friends and feel like you are not really there. The room is full of activity and conversation but you are not engaged. Its like you are scrouge in the movie A Christmas Carol and one of the ghosts has deposited you in the middle of your life. You are in the room but no one really sees you.

That is the way I have felt my whole life. Like I have been in the room but no one really sees me. Maybe it is because I tried to hard to be what everyone else wanted me to be. Maybe I was too afraid to let anyone see who I was. What ever the reason, here I am, 40 something and just now trying to understand who the real me is. I am finally trying to be visable and seen for who I am.

What a journey it has been to take the mask off and quit trying to please others. It has taken a lot time to peel off the layers and find out why I wanted to be someone else. In the end it came down to not thinking I was enough on my own. If people saw me, the real me, they would reject me because that person wasn't worth much.

Learning that I was loved by God was the beginning for me. I learned that the one who created me loved me so much that He sent His only son to die for me. It rocked my world to know I was loved by the one who created everything. But it still wasn't enough to change my thinking. I still believed that somehow I was flawed from birth and not like everyone else. I wasn't worth as much as other people were. Yes, God loved me but He didn't see the real me. He saw me through the filter of Jesus so it wasn't really me that He saw, it was Christ.

Yes, I was clean and worthy IN HIS EYES because he was looking at me through different eyes than the rest of the world. I carried this belief without really knowing it and what it really meant was I believed God loved me because He saw me differently. He couldn't see my flaws and how unacceptable I really was anymore. But others could. Therefore, I was acceptable to God but not to others. The nature of how unworthy and unacceptable I was hadn't really changed, God just couldn't see it anymore.

Last week the light was turned on for me. Jesus died to make me acceptable. Upon belief in His death for my sins and accepting His salvation it didn't place a veil over God's eyes so he couldn't see my sin anymore. No, it took the veil off. In that moment, I was made worthy for Him to look at me. Eyes wide open, the Father looks on His child. It took the veil off because I was made acceptable. I was justified and made worthy. Because of Jesus I am enough. Enough to be me, whole, clean, acceptable and worth much.

He created the first man and called it very good. That's what He now calls me.

1 comment:

Joy said...

I think aging into our 40's really helps with this concept.
Glad your feeling more comfortable in your own skin. That is how it should be.
♥ Joy