Wednesday, May 26, 2010

All Things Are In His Hands - Part 2

So back to the story....

As I told you in the previous post, since September 2009 my husband, Dave has been without full time employment. He has skills that make him able to get work at odd jobs working with other contractors and doing remodeling work. This has been the only method of income we have been able to get since last year. September and October were slim but Dave was able to work with a brother in Christ who owns his own remodeling company. When November rolled around there was not enough work to keep Dave and himself afloat so Dave was looking for other avenues to bring in money.

During November, December and January the well completely dried up. Every job prospect fell through, every job turned out to be a no go and we were without any income coming in. We were barely surviving. It seemed like every opportunity that came along God would slam shut. The stress Dave was under was tremendous and all areas of our life were in turmoil.

As a side note, I must tell you that we owned two houses during this time. Three and a half years ago we purchased our dream house in Pleasant Hill, MO. but we still owned our old house in Lees Summit, MO. Originally, when we moved, we obtained a buyer for our old house. The couple had some credit issues which friends of ours were equipped to help them repair. We signed a contract to sell within 90 days and for rent to be paid until then.

Fast forward about three years.... the house still not closed, the buyers still just paying us rent. But good news, looks like they are going to be able to close the end of February. Or so we thought.

Back to the story. By the time January hit we were in serious financial trouble. We had depleted everything we had saved long before. Three months of no income had put us at the brink of ruin. The rent paid to us for the old house was about the only money we had coming in so instead of using it to make the house payment, it was used just to keep the lights on and food on the table.

Now our only hope was the closing of the old house in Lees Summit that would happen at the end of February. We were banking on it. It would catch us up on the three months we were now behind on our house in Pleasant Hill, and pay off all the debtors that were hounding us for blood at this point.

We were not the only ones banking on the closing of this house, all our creditors were aware and waiting for the payoff. JUST A FEW MORE WEEKS AND AHHHHH.......

Third week in February and one week to go. The phone rings..... The buyers mortgage company has decided not to finance them. They found something on their credit report and have decided to pull their financing. The closing is not going to happen.

All hope is gone. Both houses we own will be gone. Without the house closing, foreclosure is imminent. There in no hope, its over. Everything we have worked for all our lives is about to be gone.

But is it all really over when God is your Father? Or do we, in that moment just think it is? Sometimes, when you have nothing left, when you finally get to the end of yourself and what you can do on your give up and let God. Which is exactly what happened to my husband.

As the provider and leader of our home, he finally had nothing left that he could do but beg God for intervention. It was at that place where there was no hope unless God showed up. Why we must get to the end of ourselves before we completely step out in faith I do not know. But often that is the case.

Where my husbands reaction was to step out in faith, mine was to get angry with God. I had stood through all the currents in faith. I had walked day after day in faith. Continually, I spoke the words "Have faith, no matter what, we will be okay, we are His children".

But the day I found out that the buyers could not close on the old house, Satan threw me a curve ball that hit me square between the eyes. He knew what my fears were. He knew my past and the things I had been through. So he threw out the thought of "where will you go, you are going to be homeless. With no employment you can't even rent."

All I could think of was how close to being homeless I had been so many years ago. And I began to rant at God, "How could you let it go this far? Homeless Lord? I have to be homeless? Where will we go? We can't even rent when they take our house away from us. " I was angry and doubting. How could God really love me and let such a thing happen?

The following Sunday morning Dave and I both battled our internal dialog that said "whats the use, stay home today'. Neither of us felt like going to church, we were broken and putting on a "I'm OK" face was not going to be easy. Something pushed us forward. Maybe it was the Spirit inside us or maybe it was just routine that caused us to go that morning. Dressed in our Sunday best, we picked up our bibles and our discouraged hearts, arriving in time for service.

As we sang worship songs, my hardened and angry heart said "I will not sing to you! I will not worship you!" I was hurt. I didn't understand why. After all these months of faith, I couldn't muster anything even close to a mustard seed worth of belief. I was all out of faith and refused to sing to a God that would render me homeless.

As the Pastor opened in prayer, I placed my bible on my lap opening it to the book he would be preaching on. I Peter, first chapter. Now, I have a Charles Stanley Life Principles Study Bible. Sporadically throughout it sprinkles extra information that Mr. Stanley has provided. This day as I looked on the left page there was a column called "Answers to Life's Questions". And what was the question?

"How do I handle a difficult trial not of my own doing?" As I began to read, the tears began to flow down my face. God knows when we face horrendous situations. He hears our cries. Even those who maintain the closest fellowship with Him are not immune to feelings of hopelessness.

It went on to say... Many times God allows us to face hopeless circumstances in order to test and try our faith; it is the hopelessness that forces us to seek God, and it is there that we find strength and refreshment. Does God care that your trials make you weary? Yes, and He knows every emotion, need, and desire you have. He also knows exactly what it will take to bring you into a more intimate relationship with Him.

God had spoken. He knew where I was at. He knew I was weary, I was broken and I was scared. He knew the hopelessness I felt.

It didn't end there. As the Pastor began his sermon about "Praising God in all Circumstances" God spoke through him directly to me. These words came from his mouth and convicted my heart.... "Even if God did nothing else for you in your entire life, salvation was enough to continually praise him for"

Salvation was so big, it trumped anything I could ever expect God to do for me. How dare I. How dare I respond the way I was. I had told God in the beginning of this journey if I lost everything I would continue to praise Him. That had been my answer to His question "What if it all goes away, what will you do?" I had answered that I would praise Him because it wasn't what He did for me that deserved my praise. He deserved my praise because He is God and I love Him.

Instead here I was raging at Him in anger, refusing to sing praises to Him. As my heart broke, repentance began. Restoration was immediate and faith came with it.

That next week God showed His mercy and love for us. As He began to glorify Himself, I watched with tears of love.

No comments: